when i woke up yesterday morning, i read a page in anne lamott's book, bird by bird, that made me ask myself, "if this were the last day of my life, what would i do?" so i sat down, and i wrote one page:
3.3.04 - If this were my last day alive, I would wear something fun. I would not wear fleece unless I was hiking somewhere in the Himalayas... then I'd be wearing as much fleece and wool as possible. Or not. Don't know! I would wear something with color! And I'd layer. I'd wear skirt over pants, because I don't need to worry about Morgan not liking it. I would wear fun makeup! I would wear my orange crocs shoes all day, even outside. I would not wear a bra, because who wants THAT feeling on her last day alive? Not me! I don't know what I would eat, but I think I would eat fresh things, and I think I'd eat well. At first I thought I'd eat all the things I liked... gorge myself on truffles and fried chicken... but I think I'd rather spend my last day feeling GOOD! Not feeling gross, or crappy, or in the bathroom! Just because it's my last day, doesn't mean I'm exempt from everyday bodily functions! I would use "I feel" instead of "I think". Because I am a FEELING person. Oh! And I'd switch colors while writing! (I meant to do that earlier but forgot) I would write a letter to all my friends and family, telling them how much I loved them all... and I would reminisce about the all the fun we had . I'd tell everyone how much I appreciate them for helping me / assisting me / letting me be who I was, and do what I want. I like the bright colors today! Nothing muted. I do not want to be MUTED on my last day!!! No!!! I want to scream loud, and shriek, and laugh loudly and belly-hurtfully! I want to move my body squirmily, and sensually, and jerkily, and goofily. On my last day, I would want to hold Morgan. I would want to hold his hand, and go for a walk through nature. I would want to lie on the grass with him, and look up at the sky in awe of the wideness, and blue! Have I run out of space yet? Hmmm... I would give away things... on my last day. I don't need them anymore! I'd have a stoop sale, only it'd be a stoop giveaway! And then I'd get to see who will be using my things next!!! I Iike that!

03.04.04 yesterday was a day of joy, sorrow, beauty, peace and love.

it was the birthday of my oldest nephew, as well as a couple other wonderful people i know.

respectfully, it was also the last day alive for a dear friend's mom... she had been sick for a long while, and perhaps decided that it was time to choose peace, instead of the war that was being fought inside of her.

so... yesterday, i wore colorful, fun clothes, and no bra! i ate healthily, and spend time in nature. since i live in the city, i went to the brooklyn botanic garden.

i saw something i'd never seen before in the *rainforest climate house* - the bottle palm plant, which is pictured above! (the photo does now do it justice, as the colors are about 200 times brighter and more incredible).

and i smelled the most amazing sweet smell upon entering the *warmer temperature climate house*. it was a mix of a blooming olive tree, mixed with freesias - if you've ever eaten a feijoa, that's what it smelled like!

morgan mentioned springtime being exciting because the smell sense gets turned on again. i think he's right, as every single scentsation was all of a sudden sniffing and absorbing these wonderful aromas.

maybe, subconsciously, i had already begun to honor my friend and her mom when i wrote my page yesterday morning... and to honor life in general... seeing and experiencing things as if for the last (or the first) time.

b - i won't let go of your hand.

03.03.04
nine years ago, i was so excited to have a new person - a new generation - join our family!
nine years later, i am so thrilled to have such a fun, talented, and loving nephew!

today, my oldest nephew turns 9 --- happy birthday turtle doctor!!!

be mindful, not mind full
02.26.04
have faith in the unknown.

that's what i've been telling myself. i'm not finished with grad school applications yet. i sent one out yesterday (yeah!) and hope to send another out tomorrow.

recently though, i've been getting feelings of "oh gosh... what if i don't really know what i'm talking about? what if i'm not good enough? what if i don't get accepted anywhere? what then?"

and then i get panicky, and my heart starts beating louder and faster, and i try and find all kinds of things to distract myself. and then i get mad at myself for procrastinating and feel unproductive, which is another kind of anxiousness.

and that's when i remind myself to have faith in the unknown. there's no point in getting worked up about something that is only partially my responsibility. there's no point in getting worked up when i'm doing the best i can.

someone told me yesterday,
"congratulations on coming so far."
she's right. i have put a lot of my heart and spirit into this process, and that's an accomplishment to feel proud of - after all, the journey is the destination.

i continue...

reality check
i was pulled out of my application-stupor this week, by president bush's "strong" words regarding a possible amendment to the constitution prohibiting same-sex marriage.

i thought many angry, nasty things... but among them were 2 honest realities:

1) what a luxury i have, that i was allowed to marry the person that i love.

2) 50 years ago, morgan and i may not have been allowed to get married.

–> learn more
–> get involved



winter minestrone soup!
i have been fueled all week on this delicious soup that morgan made. it's from this cookbook that shirly's mom got her - and if shirly reminds me what the name of it is, i can tell you!

ingredients:
2 Tbl olive oil
1 large spanish onion, chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 head cabbage, preferably savoy, chopped
2 tsp dried thyme leaves
1 bunch fresh basil
11/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground pepper
8 C vegtable stock
1 butternut squash (about 11/2 lb), peeled, seeded, and cut into 1-inch cubes
4 red bliss potatoes, cut into 1-inch cubes
3 Tbl tomato paste
1 (3-inch) piece parmesan rind
2 cups uncooked spinach radiatore, or any spiral pasta (*morgan used broken up lasagna pasta - george packard style)

1. heat the oil in a large stockpot over medium heat. add the onion and garlic and sweat for 4 minutes, until tender.
2. add the cabbage and sweat for 4 minutes, until wilted.
3. add the thyme, basil, salt, and pepper and stir to coat vegetables.
4. add the stock, squash, potatoes, tomato paste, and parmesan rind and bring mixture to a boil. Reduce hear, partially cover, simmer for 10 min.
5. add pasta and cook for 10 min. until tender.

makes 10 cups.

02.19.04
" i love that the insruments are guitar, hands & feet - there's nothing missing!" - morgan on flamenco

valentine's night part one: morgan and i went to an excellent restaurant called meson flamenco for yummy spanish food & sizzling flamenco!

valentine's night part two: upon leaving the restaurant, we see a beautiful chair with a sign taped to it saying "free chair". it's a bit tattered, and missing the cushion, but it's clean, comfortable, and just right. we take it!


the hot potato of inspiration!
many have told me they've been inspired by frogwosh... and that is very exciting to me! thanks!

annie took pictures of icicles outside her window in Madison, WI ("giant! icy! frigid midwestern winter!")

mom made my oatmeal, but then ended up putting it in on the stove anyway! ^_^

edie took out her watercolors & made her own notecards (not using her computer!)

i think inspiration is amazing - it's in each of us, and in everything around (it's our choice to see things as such). inspiration is like a hot potato: we all stand in a giant circle, passing this inspiration from person to another, not holding on too long, but just enough to feel the excitement of the energy.

pass it on...

art journal!
i have one of those black bound sketch books. i got it 5 years ago, right after i graduated from college - and in the last 5 years, i done maybe 5 pages - i never liked anything i did in it.

a month ago, i was like "i should just throw out that book. i hate it! i'll throw it out, and buy a new one. start fresh!" and then i thought, "you know... the book is not the problem..."

i decided to do one page with the intention that i wasn't going to judge what i was doing, and if i didn't like it, and still wanted to get rid of the book i could.

i found a watercolor set i randomly had, found some other stuff and collaged a page. i kind of liked it, and the next day, i created 5 pages(!), collaging some, painting others. the next day i did 3 pages. etc... some pages it took me an hour to do, others 10 minutes. everything was different. at the end of the week, i realized that i had started an art journal!

i really liked being able to create something, and then turn the page... much less commitment then creating and then thinking "now where am i going to put this?" or "is this art any good?" now, a month of so later, i'm not creating in my art journal every day, and i'm not doing 5 pages at a time either!

but i've cleared a little space next to my desk; to store my art journal, paintbox, brushes, and glue, and whenever the mood strikes me, it's there!


*rain falling in a sidewalk river

02.13.04 happy (day before) valentine's day!!!
this is a bookmark valentine i made for kat b.
she hasn't received this yet, and won't until monday. i'm meeting her for 2 hours at the airport, because she quit her job, quit her life as she knows it, applied to 20 grad school programs, and is traveling in europe for... a mighty long time! 3 cheers for kat!!!

the other side reads:
"My goal was not joy but purity, not happiness but beauty, and spirituality"
- Herman Hesse, Demian

feeling philosophical
valentine's day is about love, right?
well, this year, let's make a special effort to make sure we are loving ourselves enough... no, scratch that. let's make sure we are loving ourselves TOO MUCH!!!

sometimes it is easier to think about how someone else is feeling or doing, and not pay attention to ourselves.

when i make the effort (and it's really not that hard) to take time for myself, and appreciate who i am, i am so much better at loving my friends and family.

"Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new."
- Ursula K. Le Guin


here's a poem from our wedding, that some have asked for:

- i could take -

i could take
two leaves
and give you one.
would that not be a kind of perfection?

but i prefer
one leaf

torn to give you half
showing

(after all these years, simply)
love's complexity in an act,

the tearing and
the unique edges ---

one leaf (one word) from the two
imperfections that match.

- hayden carruth

i have not made these, but plan to this weekend! josie used heart shaped muffin tins, but i don't have those... but i do have dinosaur cupcake papers!!!
peach gingerbread muffins
from josie

ingredients:
2 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp cloves
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup chunky apple sauce
1/4 cup apple juice or cider
1/4 cup molasses
1 egg
2 tbsp healthy oil (made from only the purist, cutist babies)
1 can of peaches in lite syrup (dice them)

Mix the dry ingrediants in one bowl, mix the wet in another, join forces. 400 degree oven for 20 minutes

gotta use all my writing and thinking energy for my grad school applications... i'm in the home stretch!
02.10.04 so today, it's simply some pictures. they're from the past week and a half (except the carrot, which i couldn't resist including again).

starting from left to right:
wasabi II (a.k.a. my ibook). sidewalk river. rain in union sq. (part 1). rain in union sq. (part 2). two squirrels. carrot revisited. crochet person (that i made). butt crack. snow day. winter trees. amaryllis life. stripey knotted tree with white dot (a rain drop).

quotes that are inspiring me!
sark : "i give you a polka dot dress to wear to the ladybug ball."
joseph campbell : "we must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

a-e-i-o-u : christine castro's web journal entry from a few days ago. i REALLY like what she wrote, and think you should read it too. it's neat!

grunions : ben moy told me about these felt creature things, and i LOVE them! yikes! i especially like the blue one (lenny), and the gnomey guy (ozarlo). and of course, the MUSHROOM!

lindkvist : swedish designer / illustrator / fontographer / artist / ecard maker. often times i have sent an ecard from lindkvist, and the recipient will think i made it. i wish!

*note: morgan has promised to create a comments section for me soon, which i am very excited about! i'm interested in what my entries make you think about, AND more importantly, what you are experiencing in life - i look forward to hearing your ponderings and stories!!!

sometimes, it's a two-post week, so here's my #2!
02.05.04
the aforementioned *carrot* was found a little while ago. although a clear sign of refrigerator neglect, it was also very beautiful. the sproutings were kind of pearly, and there were new green leaves at the ends. maybe it's a sign that we should leave more perishables unattended, and see how they metamorphosize...
02.06 addition: my mom thinks the sprouting carrot is a sign that spring is on the way. i like that!


it's the week before valentine's day, and here are gift ideas for wooing your special someone

book! in spain, it is tradition for men to give women roses, and for women to give men a book. i like books better than roses, so i say books for everyone!
try these:
little lit crazy comics created by the best children's book authors and illustrators
celebrate cricket 30 years of cricket magazine!best magazine ever when you're under the age of 13, or over 23!

nut horn cookies by heaven scent butterychocolatey goodness; these cookies are hard to find... try whole foods, or your local food coops or gourmet food shop. once you have one, you'll want more. do not exceed 4!

stars heart album i will have to reiterate again, how much i love this band. morgan asked if he could take heart to work today, and after seeing the crestfallen look on my face, decided he'd better make a copy of it instead. because of this album, i now dream, imagine, and think in black & white and french... and i don't even speak french!

skip james blues musician, that i think is also a hypnotist... the last time i heard him, i started to move really really slow, and then stopped moving altogether.

buckwheat pillow filled with buckwheat hulls, these could possibly be the best pillows in the world! incredibly comfortable, they help align your head, neck & spine... and will make your dreams sweeter!

yummy, easy breakfast!
oatmeal with dried fruit, maple syrup, maybe even chocolate chips...
let's face the reality here; breakfast is an important meal. you've just been sleeping for 6, 7, maybe even 8 hours (unless your mom, in which case you've been sleeping for 3. aiyah!) it's the longest span of time all day that you go without eating. i know you're a fellow snacker.
but crissy, it takes too long to fix breakfast!
this only takes 5 minutes, and it's delicious, and nutritious (i rhymed):

ingredients:
1/2 - 1 cup water
1/2 cup quick oats
dried fruits - they're easier than fresh; i like mangos, golden raisins, prunes, and apricots
nuts - walnuts are the best, but if you don't like them, pecans, or almonds work well too
maple syrup
a sprinkle of cinnamon

instructions:
• put water in kettle and set to boil. (boil more than you'll use, that way you can also make yourself a cup of tea! i'm i efficient or what?!)
• in the meantime, in a bowl, pour in 1/2 cup of oatmeal
• dice dried fruit & nuts; add to bowl
• when water boils, add water to bowl, just so contents are covered, or maybe more, depending on your taste.
use a spoon to quickly stir around once.
• cover with a pot lid, or plate; let sit for 3 minutes.
• uncover, add cinnamon & maple syrup; stir, and enjoy!

*one time i added a few chocolate chips and bananas, and it was incredible!